First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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