Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
