weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
