I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
