you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
