Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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