Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
