They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
