he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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