Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In the future we'll all be gay
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
