I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
