i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
