you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize