if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
