the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
