i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
