Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
