Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
where are my eyebrows?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
