You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
