Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Randomize
