he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize