i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
