Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
