ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
