I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
