I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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