EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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