A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
