I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
