There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
