break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
