playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
