im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
