I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
