Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We don't watch enough power rangers
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
