erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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