we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
