you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
