Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
