I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
