Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I will pee on everything he values.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
