I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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