Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
