I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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