This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
