im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize