I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
