dude i'm inner monologue high
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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