I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
