You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
