I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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