i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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