remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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