I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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