if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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