OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her vagine was all disorganized.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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