I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
