Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
