:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
