just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
