i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
