I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
