sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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