She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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