I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Shame - the story of my life.
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