im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize