I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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