omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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