so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her vagine was all disorganized.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
