College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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