Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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