Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize